What Are the Five Types of Narcissism and How Do They Affect Different Types of Relationships

In recent years, the concept of narcissism has become increasingly well known. It’s not unusual to hear characters in popular culture such as movies, novels, and TV shows described as narcissists.

While narcissism is actually a normal personality trait, for some people it can become exaggerated which then can become destructive. For others, it is extreme enough to warrant a mental health diagnosis. This is known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

NPD is much more rare than you might think. Research tells us that NPD is diagnosed in between 2% and 16% of the population in clinical settings, which translates as between 0.5-1% of the general population.

What is narcissism and where did the term originate?

An easy way to understand narcissism is as extreme selfishness.

The term originated from an ancient Roman poem by Ovid about Narcissus and Echo.

In Ovid’s myth, Narcissus is a handsome young man who spurns the advances of many potential lovers, including the nymph Echo, named this way because she was cursed to only echo the sounds that others made. After Narcissus rejects Echo, the gods punish him by making him fall in love with his own reflection in a pool. Finding that the object of his love cannot love him back, he pines away and dies^[1].

However, the term as used in psychology is more recent. It has its origins in the late 1800s, but came to prominence in the early 1900s.

In 1913, neurologist and psychoanalyst Ernest Jones described extreme narcissism as a character flaw or “god complex,” suggesting narcissists were aloof, self-important, overconfident, auto-erotic, inaccessible, self-admiring, and exhibitionistic, with fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience. He also observed that narcissists have a high need for uniqueness^[2].

The following year, Freud wrote about narcissism as a necessary part of development that eventually becomes the way in which we love other people. However, for some people this developmental stage is interrupted, meaning that the love and affection meant for other people is turned inwards^[3].

The way we understand narcissism today can be traced back to the work of Robert Waelder in 1925, who described narcissists as “individuals who are condescending, feel superior to others, are preoccupied with admiration, and exhibit a lack of empathy”^[4].

What causes narcissism?

The exact cause of narcissism has not been determined and remains the subject of ongoing research, which suggests it is likely to be caused by a combination of factors. These include:

• Genetics
• Childhood abuse and trauma
• Upbringing and relationships with caregivers
• Personality and temperament

However, different psychological perspectives have their own explanations. For example, in psychoanalysis, narcissism is believed to be a defense mechanism that compensates for underlying feelings of inferiority^[5]. Alternatively, social learning perspectives suggest that narcissism consists of genuine underlying beliefs of superiority^[6].

Is narcissism always bad?

No. Narcissism as a personality trait exists along a spectrum, with healthy self esteem, self worth and confidence at one end and pathological (meaning it can be classified as an illness) narcissism at the other.

This means that most people are likely to have narcissistic aspects to their personality, as this is the part of us that we take into a job interview or the part that reassures us that we are worthy.

Some researchers distinguish between these two types of narcissism by terming them as adaptive and maladaptive narcissism^[7].

Adaptive narcissism (also known as productive narcissism) presents with character traits such as authority and self-sufficiency.

Maladaptive narcissism (also known as unproductive narcissism) presents with character traits such as exploitativeness, entitlement, and exhibitionism.

How narcissism affects different types of relationships

Narcissism in all its forms is characterized by a fragile sense of self, and a desire for admiration and importance. The way narcissists derive what they need is through interactions with other people.

Anyone who has found themselves in a relationship of any sort with a narcissist will know that it can be confusing, destructive, and distressing, leaving you reeling.

For the purposes of this article, we will be looking at how narcissism affects the following four types of relationships.

• Friendships: Defined as voluntary social relationships that are founded on equality, offer social support, and can be maintained in person or long-distance.
• Romantic relationships: From dating to long term relationships, this type of connection tends to involve love between the two people in the relationship.
• Family relationships: Including immediate family members such as parents, children and siblings who may have shared a home together, as well as more distant family relationships such as grandparents/children, cousins, aunts, and uncles.
• Working relationships: Including colleagues, students, teachers, managers, and anyone else encountered in a non-voluntary, non-familial capacity.

A note on narcissistic families

Narcissistic families (in which one or both parents are narcissistic due to any of the five types of narcissism) are a particularly difficult environment to grow up in, because the needs of the narcissistic parent(s) take precedence over the needs of the children. Not only are the needs of the child secondary to those of the parent(s), but they react to their child’s needs as if they are seriously problematic.

Likewise, the children are expected to prioritize the needs of the parent(s) over anything else, and are taught to fulfill these needs. Any problems experienced by the child are filtered through the lens of the parent(s) and how these problems impact them, rather than exploring what the child might need in a supportive way.

Thinking back to the ancient Roman myth of Narcissus and Echo, within a narcissistic family, the children take the place of Echo, existing only to react and reflect their parent’s needs.

What are the difficulties in making generalizations about narcissists and their relationships?

One of the issues around making universal claims about how narcissism affects relationships is that different research can seem to contradict each other. For example, one classification of personality disorders^[8] describes the overt narcissist as one who passively seeks the positive rewards of approval and praise from others, but cares little about the opinions of others.

Some studies^[9] have established that narcissists seem to have a very strong need for approval, yet research findings attempting to establish a consistent pattern of narcissists’ “person perception” have been unsuccessful. While one study found narcissists to be conceited and condescending towards others, another piece of research suggests that narcissists exaggerate their own abilities and performance, but engage in little derogation of others. Other research has failed to establish a consistent pattern of response to others for a narcissistic sample.

Despite this, it is possible to highlight some of the ways in which the different types of narcissism may affect relationships. Many romantic partners of narcissists, as well as their parents, children, family members, co-workers, and friends are thought to be directly affected by narcissism of all types.

The research does tell us that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is more prevalent in males than females. The statistics suggest that about 18% of males present with NPD, compared to 6% of females in clinical samples, whereas the overall prevalence in the general population is lower but still at greater rates in men (7.7% versus 4.8% for women)^[10].